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04 October 2009 @ 10:53 pm
Who is your oldest friend (i.e., the friend you have known the longest)? How often do you see or talk to each other? Do your close friends tend to stay the same year after year or change over time?

Well, the circumstances of how we met are long and weird but here's the reader digest vers., he was my bf in HS in 1996, we dated for 6 weeks approx. I was there at said HS for a year, then moved away the next year but we kept in touch and continued for years, even living together briefly once and again until he moved away to California to stay in 2005. As of now, he's engaged- and we talk every now and again. But I havent seen him since 2005. Life happens and I'm sure he's fine because he looks like he's doing fine with his fiance and new best friends, so its a non-issue as Ive gotten new friends also. We've been through shit one couldn't possibly forget as well as the good times too, so as long as there's memories neither of us will let the detritus of living bury what we had. He'll always be my best bud.

Now playing on Winamp: Queen - You're My Best Friend
Current Mood: puffy
10 August 2009 @ 04:13 pm
Something I wrong concerning being on antidepressants back in the day.Wrote this awhile back,just never posted


squeezed vessels
cold sweat
cracked skin
give me the candy,you devil
I long for their approval

indifferent white-coated man,never again
write the fucking script!
my eyes won't wander, and on this pencil I wont lose my grip

delicious,ovaloid- smooth,pale and green
down my throat so I can meet your gaze,
and decipher what your words mean

the tub spins up,all black
water on my face,
in this complacent prison,I've found my happy place

Current Mood: creativecreative
30 May 2009 @ 05:41 pm
I guess it all started Thursday evening when I thought it wouldve been a great idea to have seconds on the quesadillas I cooked...

Friday morning, my body begged to differ. At first I just thought it was a trapped gas bubble, but eventually after a few hours, I'd of passed it one way or another. Also- gas bubbles don't throb and leave a person in agony. So,after going to the bathroom five times and drinking ginger tea, I told my mom and she went to get me some alka seltzer.

I guess I should've told her that I couldn't take it anymore of the pain and needed to go to the ER, so in the meantime I got dressed. She wasn't happy about it when she got home and I told her (yeah,go figure my family) but huffily told me to "come on!"

Slow day at the ER,so after watching CNN in the waiting room holding my side, face twisted with discomfort, they called me back. My mom wanted to go home, but she came back with me. After vitals, they put me up and had me to wear one of those "lovely" hospital gowns that shows your bum. Wasn't totally naked but if I were,I'd love to have given a cute doctor a thrill.

After an hour, a female nurse with the sniffles (how ironic in a hospital) came to check up on me and do vitals again (how many times can one have their BP taken?) and she told me if I had the urge to go,just give her a urine sample and that the doctor would be along afterwhile. Hour or so the mean time, I went to the restroom and gave her what she asked for and while I was there, I hoped I passed this damn thing and could go home.No luck, and no doctor but my nurse came back and took a blood sample,attaching an IV to my arm.

Fun times,since I complained of pain, she gave me some painkiller. It was just me and her since my mom left for a little bit, so she didn't see my goofy response to the medication. It was a direct hit, taking warp speed to perfect bliss. I was high as a kite and couldn't really answer the nurse coherently through all my chuckling, but I did manage to tell her "no,I didn't need anymore (medication)". Good medicine though, because I didn't know what was going on,and so I fell asleep.

Mom came back with my 13 year-old sister, so that was more painful than the gallbladder and in my medicated haze I was telling her to stop touching things,etc. Doctor finally came poking and prodding me, eventually touching the spot that made me holler(and not in a good way) so he suggested a CAT scan since my urine and blood sample were normal, and then he left. Mom left again and the nurse returned having me drink 3 cups of liquid (and anyone who has had a CAT scan will know) at different intervals to dye my organs more or less so they'll show up. After the last cup,I passed out and my mom and sister returned waking me up with their prattle. My buzz was wearing off.Not happy.

Sometime or so,a very cute radiology aid came to wheel me away but not before explaining what would happen, which was drink something(I forget) to "flush the organs" (whatever that means) and that "certain people respond differently" as in they might feel the intense urge to pee. off I went,wrapped up in a blanket to the radiology ward in silence. Got there and a friendly radiologist met me and gave me the water-like substance to drink before her and the aid helped me onto the machine. How embarrassing it was for me to get a charlyhorse but she put a pillow under my legs and had me to lay straight with arms above my head,telling me that I had to breathe at certain moments. Well,the machine told me to.

My mom has the most terrible clausterphobia,so she has to be sedated- but I guess I was still goofing on the meds so it didn't bother me as I breathed in and out,and with everytime,I went into the machine. Session over, and I was helped back onto the gurney and wheeled back to my room. The aid and I made small talk on the way,but I wasn't really feeling up to talking in my state. My mom cracked a joke when I returned and the aid chuckled, he made sure I was straight before he left and afterwards my mom told me that 'a guy like him probably had a gf or at least a few girls after him,so don't get too excited'. Um- yeah..way to shoot me down,lady.

I guess some more time passed because I had another nurse without sniffles this time, who checked my vitals. She asked me in a light voice was I still in pain and I said a little to which my sister quipped after she left "drug addict". I'd of gave her sound smack upside the head but I didn't feel like getting out of bed to do so. Being restless as they were,my mom and sister went home and arrangements were made to get me when I got discharged. I drifted off again. I was woken up by the nurse and was given another dose that had me flying again..flying and giggling which amused her a little. Again,sleepytime.

Doctor returned and told me more less that there wasn't really anything wrong as everything came back normal,even the CT scan. Sometimes I wonder why they sit in medical school for almost 6-8 years? But I was told that sometimes things don't always come up in tests and so I was assigned for a follow-up next week. Or that whats the nurse told me after she gave me the papers with the phone numbers,scripts for Vicodin(fuck yearg!) and some other anti-nausea medication and instructions not to take my blood sugar medication as it could interfere with the stuff they gave me all day,also not to eat anything heavy as it could start things up again. She sensed my protesting sigh and told me *at least* 24-48 if I can help it. Thinking back on the excruciating pain,I wasn't going to be hardheaded. She told me that they were discharging me also. *facepalm* After she left,I got up and got dressed in my high state then stumbled out the room to call my mom- she asked me what they said but I opted to tell her later.

I stood outside in the warm night and waited- there was no where to sit outside,so I sluggishly stood up as best I could. The rest I don't care to remember except going to Walgreens to drop off the script,going to Walmart to fetch my sister from work and nodding off in the car during the wait,then waking up and deciding to go stagger inside to get some jello and vitamin water just as my sister and mom were coming out. My sister whined about not going back inside since it was busy and I'd be in line for a long time, so we went to Walgreens to get my medication and I went inside there to find what I wanted to eat. After drifting along inside I got my goods, checked out and made eyes at the cute cashier..really,he was adorable.

Finally got home and struggled to talk to my friend online before watching some Golden Girls while eating said jello and crashing out for the night. Today,I'm still loopy (powerful meds is powerful),my leg is sore from the charlyhorse and gallbladder still achy but I am belching which is a good sign. I hate not being able to eat the delicious food that consist of our food shopping excursion on Thursday. Fuck my life. ~Fin~

Now playing: Nine Inch Nails - Wish
Current Mood: loopy
02 May 2009 @ 03:47 pm

Listening to: Broken Social Scene - Fire Eye'd Boy
Current Mood: amusedamused
08 February 2009 @ 01:52 am
Your Life: The Soundtrack

Opening credits: Clint Eastwood ~ The Gorillaz
Waking up: Julie and Candy ~Boards of Canada
Average day: Oh My God ~ Kaiser Chiefs
First date: Falling for the First Time ~ Barenaked Ladies
Falling in love: At My Most Beautiful ~ REM
Love scene: Sex on Fire ~ Kings of Leon
Fight scene: Map of the Problematique ~ Muse
Breaking up: Makedamnsure ~ Taking Back Sunday
Getting back together: 2 Dots on a Map ~ The Russian Futurists
Secret love: All Along ~ Blessid Union of Souls
Life's okay: Straight Lines ~ Silverchair
Mental breakdown: There,There ~ Radiohead
Driving: Alive in 85 ~ Broken Social Scene
Learning a lesson: You Learn ~ Alanis Morrisette
Deep thought: Teardrop ~ Massive Attack
Flashback: Take a Picture~ Filter
Partying: Paper Planes ~MIA
Happy dance: Let's Get it Started ~ Black Eyed Peas
Regreting: No One is to Blame ~ Howard Jones
Long night alone: Have You Ever Seen the Rain? ~CCR
Death scene: Easy/Lucky/Free ~ Brighteyes
Closing credits: Black Swan ~ Thom Yorke

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Now playing: Hexes & Ohs - Looking to Fight
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Current Mood: boredbored